School is closed today. I didn't realize that until I was actually *at* school, because, silly me, I assumed that, since the roads seemed fine, school would be back on schedule. I had forgotten that this is *Texas*, where we close school in *anticipation* of snow. Not that school being closed does me any good, being as I'm a Distance Ed Student and all. I turned in my Internet final, which is a beautiful website with FOUR different pages. The professor said she'd give bonus points for websites that have more than one page. My website is here if anyone cares.

Today I have:

++ Driven to school and discovered it was closed.

++ Turned in my Internet final.

++ Spent time on the phone with State Farm setting up automatic withdrawals. This phone call coincided, annoyingly, with the beginning of Law & Order, and involved the State Farm lady calling me "kiddo" approximately 20 times. Yes, I know, they're our "good neighbors" and all. I don't care. I am participating in a *business transaction*. It is not appropriate to call your customer "kiddo." The end.

++ Watched two episodes of Law & Order.

++ Made biscuits.

++ Watched Jeopardy! and told Alex to shut up several times.

++ Read my friends list.

Dear Reference Resources Comparison Assignment,

I hate you. I thought I had you almost done, but NO. TWU does not have online access to Texas Almanac anymore. So now I have to pick something else to compare. Which means I have to go BACK to the library to look at a hard copy of that something else. Hard copies are dumb. Texas Almanac is dumb. Texas is dumb.

No love,

-Laynie



Dear Texas,

You are not special. You are just another state. I have had it up to here with "Lone Star" this and "Texas Hold 'Em" that and "everything's bigger in Texas" crap and (God help me) "Texas beer rock." I blame everything, from my neighbor's giant truck to President Snippy, on you.

In conclusion, shut up, Texas.

-An unwilling resident



Dear laptop,

STOP GOING SO SLOW!!!11! You work fine at the library and at Panera Bread, but when I'm at home you start crawling along and taking ages to register me clicking on anything. I just clicked on something and counted 15 seconds before you even noticed. I don't know what your problem is, but if you don't get your act together I will THROW YOU DOWN THE STAIRS SO HELP ME GOD.

Much hate,

-Your extremely disgruntled owner



Dear new neighbor,

You own a giant truck with a cracked windshield. How nice for you. Stop parking it in my parking space. I live in Apartment O. Clearly, you do not. My parking space is marked with a very big blue O. I assume you know that you don't live in O. Therefore, the O parking space does not belong to you. Remove your giant truck from my parking space. I'll just be over here, speculating about the psychological relationship between the size of your giant truck and the size of your dick.

Bitchily,

O is for Pwnd