I kind of got out of the habit of posting, since I only had dial-up and my parents' crappy computer over Christmas break. But Erin asked me to update, so she'll have something to read while she's bored at work. So here we are. I've been back in Denton for a week, and school starts tomorrow. All my classes are online, though, so I don't know how it's going to work. I haven't bought my books yet, so I need to do that tomorrow.
I've been pretty depressed almost constantly since Christmas morning. I'm still not sure why. Part of it I think is that I had set up Christmas morning in my mind as something to look forward to, and once it was over I didn't feel like there was anything to look forward to. And part of it was from watching Grandpa on Christmas. It's always hard to tell with him, of course, but he seemed sad and not really entirely there while we were opening presents. It just kind of made me sad too. It didn't feel as glaringly obvious that Grandma was gone on Christmas morning, since she wouldn't have been there anyway usually. But after opening presents we would usually have gone to Ardmore, and of course we didn't do that this year. So I was probably missing her then. I've just stayed so depressed almost constantly since then. I remember a couple times we went out to eat and I just couldn't even talk to anyone. I just sat there and stared at things and never smiled or felt much of anything. Erin asked me if I was mad at her once, and I was feeling so depressed I couldn't really even convince her I wasn't mad at her. I just didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything or be with anyone. There were also a couple of times people wanted me to go to movies with them. I was having trouble drumming up any enthusiasm about anything, and it just seemed like a big production to go to a movie. Even if I got interested, I'd lose interest again before we actually went. I did go see a couple of movies and ended up glad I went. It was just hard being there at home and knowing I don't see these people real often so I should try to do things with them, but not really being interested in doing anything.
So now I'm back in Denton, and I've been sleeping a lot. I haven't been interested in doing very much here either. I haven't even finished unpacking. A couple of nights I just needed to be around people, but not actually having to talk to people, so I went to Barnes & Noble and had coffee in the cafe. I couldn't really get interested in a book (this keeps happening, off and on), so I wrote in my (paper) journal and drank coffee and wished the coffee shop employees wouldn't talk so loudly. They're probably half-deaf from the sound of the machines back there or something. I'm kind of worried that I'm going to keep feeling like this, partly because I'm not going to have much of a set schedule (or reason to leave the house, for that matter), even once school starts. With all the classes online, I can just do the work whenever and not ever think about going to class. The only appointment I'm probably going to have is meeting Dr. Lee, the professor I'm working for, once a week. So I'm trying to set a schedule for myself, to make sure I get up and get dressed every MORNING. And I'm going to try to start exercising in the mornings. So we'll see how that goes. It's been really cold the last few days, so I haven't actually gone walking yet. It's supposed to start warming up tomorrow, though, so I'm hoping to start then. And I'm trying to stop drinking caffeine. I know, that's really weird, but I'm just so tired of feeling so dependent on caffeine all the time. It doesn't do a lot for me, as far as giving me energy or whatever, but if I don't have enough caffeine I get more headaches. So I'm starting out cutting it down to two cans of soda a day for awhile, then I'll step down some more in a couple weeks. All of these changes I'm making (the schedule, the exercise, the caffeine) are supposed to make me feel better physically, which will hopefully help at least a little mentally.
On a lighter note....
Movies I've Seen Recently:
1) The Incredibles - This was okay. Not as funny as I hoped it would be.
2) National Treasure - Pretty good. Not deep or anything, but entertaining. I've actually seen it twice, now, once at Thanksgiving and once this week with Mary Beth. We went to this theater about 10 miles south of Denton on I-35E (loop-de-looping all over the place first because we were following the Mapquest directions that ignored the existence of service roads). That was so much fun. Neither of us has a lot to worry about right now, since school hasn't started yet, so we just got to hang out and talk about cute boys and movies and TV and stuff.
3) Ocean's Twelve - Really funny. I loved Ocean's Eleven, and this one was almost as good. It had a kind of long annoying part in the middle, where Julia Roberts character pretends to be....Julia Roberts. Get it? Because she actually IS Julia Roberts, so it's funny! Hahahaha! Not. But I loved both George Clooney and Brad Pitt in this one. And Don Cheadle, who I kind of have a crush on now. He has a new movie called Hotel Rwanda, that looks really depressing but that I might see anyway because he's in it.
4) Blade Trinity - Callum Keith Rennie is so hot. And that was the entire reason Erin and I went to see this movie. Neither of us cares about Blade, or even knows much about Blade. Also, Jessica Biel is in this movie, and we both hate her and would normally have avoided this movie like the plague for that reason alone. But. Callum Keith Rennie. With lines! In a movie that's actually being released in America! He plays Parker Posey's brother and wears a pinstripe suit and has a vampire Pomeranian (best part of the whole movie right there). On a different topic entirely, there is the most obvious product placement IN THE WORLD in this movie. Jessica Biel's character, Abby, likes to make playlists for her iPod so she can listen to music while she kills vampires. Uh-huh. It's just as bad as in The Truman Show, when his wife turns around to the camera while she's making cocoa and talks about the kind of cocoa she uses and Truman's all "Um...who are you talking to?"
5) Supersize Me - I rented this one a couple days ago and have now also watched the director's commentary version and all the extras. The director, Morgan Spurlock, puts himself on an all-McDonald's diet for 30 days to see what will happen, since fast food restaurants insist that their food is wholesome and doesn't hurt you at all. It's disgusting to watch him keep eating this stuff. He gains, like, 30 pounds in the month and his blood tests come out awful. There's also an extra where he puts different McDonald's sandwiches and fries in jars to see how long it takes for them to decompose. Twelve weeks later, the sandwiches are all nasty and growing mold and everything, and the fries still look like he just bought them. Um....Ew. Yeah. This is a really well-made and funny movie, and definitely made me think about fast food and how bad it is for me to eat very much of it.
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etumon and I met in Ardmore and hung out, and it was awesome. (Even though there's very little to do in Ardmore, since there are 13 people who live there, all of whom are named "Frank." Even the girl!) I even brought my new digital camera, to record our exciting adventures! Unfortunately, on every one of those exciting adventures, I inadvertently left the camera in the car. Or forgot it was in my purse. However, despite those seemingly insurmountable problems, I am still able to provide a photolog of our meetup. Get ready for some exciting shots, folks!
festive
MAD
cheerful
annoyed
bored
stressed
accomplished
mischievous